Brown Skinned Girl

Today I have spent some time writing some poetry and reading. I changed some of the books out in my Little Free Library. Also, did some planning on what to do with my front yard and clean it up. I really need to get some lettuces in the ground. There is much tending needing to be done all over my yard. My oldest daughter and I would like to have some prairie dresses, aprons, and summer bonnets to work in the yard with next summer. She is good with the sewing machine so we should look for some patterns and fabrics. For some people this may seem weird, but we will be comfortable and we like to dress up.
 Music pulsed through my ears from time to time and so did some emotions. When I write I get emotional, and so be it. That is part of the process for me. For the most part of my life it has been. Right now I am also coming up with a name for my collection of poems. I know the call for submissions is no guarantee, but I need to step out of my comfort zone. I need to keep stepping forward and doing things I have always wanted to. Soon, I need to edit and work on the novel
I wrote in 2008. One thing at a time, and one tick off my bucket list at a time.
Today is the Marine Corps. birthday and we celebrated with free cheeseburgers from Farmer Bros. They always make good burgers. Thankful for that.
My friend shared me the Leon Bridges song that is in this post. It just speaks to me, the lyrics, the music, all of it. Growing up a brown girl was hard for me, it was a struggle. It was struggle when my mom and dad parted ways. It was struggle being told I wasn't good enough. It was a struggle being told I am too much.  This has been my life. This is a mindset I am trying to leave behind, not my browness, not my womeness, just that "too much" or "not good enough".

 

 OOTD:  

Sweater- Torrid

Skirt- Unique Vintage

Necklace- Made in the Phillipines (Goodwill)

Glasses: Zenni Optical

Watch: Fitbit

My Love Stays

23 years ago today I met the man that I would eventually marry. 1994 both seems like last week and a lifetime ago. We started out as from the Marines, he was still in. We stayed in contact for a few years through letter writing and a occasional phone call. In 1997 I was living in Wichita, and starting the process to start college to become a teacher. My days and nights were mostly spent working. During that time I had two jobs, one was retail and the other was overnight doing a store remodel. My fear was getting trapped in Kansas and not leading a life I loved. Really, I did not want to be a teacher, I wanted to travel around, write, and go back to the Atlantic coast. So, I made a call to the person my heart still held on to, and that night I left Kansas on a Greyhound bus to North Carolina. Life ever since had been full of twists and turns. Nothing was ever perfect, except in the moments it was meant to be. We have fought, cried, kissed, moved, separated at one point, battled demons and vices, and we have always loved always loved,  and continue to do so.
We are two very different people, which at times is rough and at others it makes us perfect. I am social and he likes to be at home. I like going to crowded places, he likes quiet solidarity. He likes country fried chicken, and I like sweet rice. He likes Tom Cruse movies and I like subtitles. Yet, here we are. Here we are, 23 years of friendship later, in transition once again and yet still loving one another through it all.
Today, we walked through an antique store and it's garden. We shared a meal at McDonalds and came home. It could only have been better if the drizzle would of turned to rain.
I have been writing a lot of poetry and am looking into submitting for publishing. One of my lifelong dreams is to have a book, even a small one of poetry published. So, here is to bucketlist items being fulfilled. There is no desire for my to wait until my golden years to try and tick these things off. These days it's about living life now, withing my financial means of course. Since I enjoy going out and doing things, then I do things that make me happy. Learning, volunteering, walking around in stores (even with empty pockets), and going out with friends. Next week I should be going to a class for holiday treats. It is being put on by Master Food Preservers. There are some people from the Master Gardeners program who are also going. It should be fun.

 OOTD

Jacket: Vintage Dani Colby (Goodwill)

Dress: Torrid

Necklace: Made in the Phillipines (Goodwill)

Glasses: Zenni Optical
Bolero: Torrid

Headlights

I have been going through past experiences, in my thoughts I have been inventorying how they have made me feel. How they have shaped the woman I have become. Sometimes these thoughts, inventories manifest in tears, sometimes they manifest in poems, and sometimes a combination of both. Someday, hopefully soon I hope to become a better woman. A woman who has some sort of peace about her childhood and her past. Where questions can be asked and answered honestly. That means the woman I am needs to gain strength in her words, in her value, and in not allowing herself to be reduced to as small child.

All my life people have made me feel "not enough" or "too much". These are feelings that have found there way into my adult life, my life as a wife, and my life as a mother....and as a friend. Here I am just trying to be better and figure this all out at 41. Shouldn't I feel "just right" by now?

OOTD:

Blouse: Loulou de la Falaise via Goodwill

Skirt: Torrid (clearance)

Shoes: Payless Shoes (clearance)

Necklace: Goodwill

Glasses: Zenni Optical

OOTD & Dressember Day 4

Dress is from Torrid (no longer for sale, Spring 2016 clearance)

Bolero is from Torrid (no longer for sale, circa 2011)

Belt is from Torrid (came with another dress I got at Goodwill)

Glasses are Zenni Optical

Earrings are from Arte De Familia

Hair Flower is made by me

Please donate to my Dressember Fundraiser

OOTD: Is there A Ghost

Hat : No Name from Ross

Blouse:  Alfani from Goodwill 

Skirt: Old Navy from Goodwill

Shoes: Dollhouse from Ross
Glasses: Zenni Optical
Watch: Apple Rose Gold
Bracelets: Kmart

bow that my three year old put on me : Two Chicks Bowtique
No makeup or hair products today.

Black Dresses For You & Me

Dress By Niki Minaj for Kmart

Shoes are Self Esteem Footwear from Ross

 

 Dress is Joe Boxer from Kmart

 Dress Joe Boxer for Kmart

 Dress is by Niki Minaj for Kmart

 Dress is by Torrid from The Goodwill

Top is Torrid (from my cousin)

Skirt is a random Goodwill find

I promise more future full body pictures

You make me feel like I am young again...

Beaded Cardigan: Geogre ME (via Goodwill)
Dress: City Triangular (via Ross)
Shoes: MUDD (via Angel View Thrifts Shop)



Yes, I got my hair cut off today...and shaved more on the side. You can not imagine how freeing it is. Never in my life have I felt as amazing as I do today. Never in my youth or adulthood did I think being nearly 100lbs overweight could I feel this amazing. It's rather...amazing.

Love and Best Dresses,
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Pretty one don't say a word...

Top and Skirt : Alfani Womans (Goodwill)
Sweater Bolero: Lane Bryant (Goodwill)
Trouser Socks: George (Wal-Mart)
Shoes: Predictions (Payless)
Belt: Uknown (Goodwill)
Hair Flower: Made by Me



I took the kids to the park today and my oldest took some pictures for me. I took plenty of them as well. It was a nice fall day well, in the sun it was better. My son calls this my super hero pose.



I am really digging these shoes. I call them my "school marm" shoes. They are really comfortable and have a nice full heel. I really like that they lace up.

Considering shark week started today it was good.

As Always Fabulously Fluffy,
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