Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

 Last night was a bittersweet celebration. A good size group of us were able to attend our graduation for the UCCE Master Gardeners of San Bernardino County Program. 18 weeks of long Tuesday nights, making friends, and sharing food came to an end. Well, some of us will continue to work together and cross paths a long the way. Some of us may on see a name in an email, or on a calendar. But, really I think all the experiences of this class will be memorable.

I did what I think anyone would of done, and as someone put it "took the mantle" and just made sure the class stayed running while our leader had to take an unexpected medical leave. Our leader is now one of my best friends. I learned from her how to listen, and to give people a voice. Despite my fear of leading my peers and those more seasoned than me, I went and did the job with one goal: get everyone to the finish line...including myself. Because, when your friend knows she needs help making sure the ball in not dropped, you catch it. When your peers are almost to the finish line, you don't say "I can't."

The graduation was only a success because I had help. Because, people stepped forward and allowed me to delegate small and big tasks. They allowed me to deal with minor details and ask them to move big, heavy round tables, greet people. stage food, and communicate with a wonderful church staff.  This is why I am still so emotional about being presented with a "Thank You' card and gift. So many kind words were written, and even spoken to me. Right now as I sit here and type this, my eyes well up. They well up because, I have forgotten my worth outside of my home. I know how much my family appreciates me. It's emotional to be publicly appreciated, and with my husband sitting there and listening. It is more touching to be thanked, uplifted, and inspired all at the same time by the friend I filled in for.....

Thank you to my husband and children who have been without me for so many hours, without them this would not have been possible for me.

In God's Country

Yesterday, I spent my Sabbath day outside of the normal parish I attend to go to "God's Country". My husband, our oldest son, and our oldest daughter (together) joined me on an adventure to Joshua Tree National Park. Growing up not very far away in Cabazon, you would of thought I ventured into the park often. In fact, even though I had visited 29 Palms as an adult, and camped a lot as a child; I had never visited Joshua Tree National Park.


I drove most of the way to the park. I get anxiety driving to far and new places. I get anxiety driving over unfamiliar bridges and overpasses. My goal is to get over these fears, this fears that have surfaced as I have aged. The fears of bridges and overpasses comes for what some people call a minor childhood trauma, one of my cousins told me that my mom and stepdad had gotten into an accident on their motorcycle and had been knocked off a bridge. I was roughly five or six years old. It changed the way I thought about a lot of things, for a long time though I had this behind me. As I have aged and have had more children it just lingers in my brain. Time to say goodbye.
On the drive up we of course listened to Gram Parsons, then I opted for some Gary Allan, and then as we got closer I had my husband select U2's 'Joshua Tree'. That album brings me memories of my own desert upbringing, and has always made me want to visit places I have never been. It was one of my first cassette's I bought with babysitting money.

The desert has always been my first love, although I have had minor affairs with beaches, and a life long love with mountain life. The desert is home, it's comfort, it's warm, it's cool, it's clear. The desert and it's dark nights are what comfort my soul. I long for nights looking up at the stars, while I bring myself center and back to God.
When I think of the desert I think of nights walking on warm black asphalt in town. Days on horseback riding through sand, and over rocks to washes.
Joshua Tree is a different though, It was like coming into a self I had forgotten, even though it was a self I had not yet known. We did some hiking, treading long spots of loose sand. We did a lot of driving, looking at the natural beauty as we listened to music. We planned our next adventure. I am planning an overnight, perhaps a weekend. So, if you want to go with me, and help me purge more of what is there below the surface, I will gladly take you up on that offer. Even if we just sit or hike with long silences.