In God's Country

Yesterday, I spent my Sabbath day outside of the normal parish I attend to go to "God's Country". My husband, our oldest son, and our oldest daughter (together) joined me on an adventure to Joshua Tree National Park. Growing up not very far away in Cabazon, you would of thought I ventured into the park often. In fact, even though I had visited 29 Palms as an adult, and camped a lot as a child; I had never visited Joshua Tree National Park.


I drove most of the way to the park. I get anxiety driving to far and new places. I get anxiety driving over unfamiliar bridges and overpasses. My goal is to get over these fears, this fears that have surfaced as I have aged. The fears of bridges and overpasses comes for what some people call a minor childhood trauma, one of my cousins told me that my mom and stepdad had gotten into an accident on their motorcycle and had been knocked off a bridge. I was roughly five or six years old. It changed the way I thought about a lot of things, for a long time though I had this behind me. As I have aged and have had more children it just lingers in my brain. Time to say goodbye.
On the drive up we of course listened to Gram Parsons, then I opted for some Gary Allan, and then as we got closer I had my husband select U2's 'Joshua Tree'. That album brings me memories of my own desert upbringing, and has always made me want to visit places I have never been. It was one of my first cassette's I bought with babysitting money.

The desert has always been my first love, although I have had minor affairs with beaches, and a life long love with mountain life. The desert is home, it's comfort, it's warm, it's cool, it's clear. The desert and it's dark nights are what comfort my soul. I long for nights looking up at the stars, while I bring myself center and back to God.
When I think of the desert I think of nights walking on warm black asphalt in town. Days on horseback riding through sand, and over rocks to washes.
Joshua Tree is a different though, It was like coming into a self I had forgotten, even though it was a self I had not yet known. We did some hiking, treading long spots of loose sand. We did a lot of driving, looking at the natural beauty as we listened to music. We planned our next adventure. I am planning an overnight, perhaps a weekend. So, if you want to go with me, and help me purge more of what is there below the surface, I will gladly take you up on that offer. Even if we just sit or hike with long silences.