I just wanted to bring you home, and give you all your normal comforts. I wanted to give you chocolate, shrimp chips, some new pet rats, and all the art supplies my bank account can buy. I wanted to hug the pain and disappointment away, but I know you do not like hugs. I wanted to make you better, but I know that is no longer in my realm of capabilities.
You have always been such a shining star. You have inspired me with your kindness, your creativity, and your bravery. Even when you have felt like none of these things, you have been these things. You are an amazing person, and do not want you to lose your spark, you worth, and your passion. I hope you know what we are doing, is so that you are given the best life possible. So that you can achieve even your wildest dreams of dog sledding in Alaska, going to Russia, and even loving in the mountains somewhere surrounded by rescue dogs and rats. Because, nothing is too far fetched, nothing is impossible once you have the care you deserve.
It's so quiet without you. As much as the chaos is hard to deal with, this new reality is hard as well, You're to blame for nothing. You tried your hardest for a long time, you gave up some times. You said you do not like how your brain works, and how you sometimes behave. We know it's not your fault, yet we are humans and would get overwhelmed. For that I am sorry, sorry that I did not find out how to get you the best care sooner. Dad tried, he really did and that's why you are where you are. So that you become the best you.
In the end I want you to know you are loved.
Love,
Mom AKS he lady who yells "Make Good Choice!"
"And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in.”
Jane Austen
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